excited?

I went out with Chris and Keith tonight, Bee joined us. Bee is 19 and in love with life, in love with fred flare, in love with retail, with blogs, and New York. I listened to her as she beamed a bright smile and told me she keeps thinking she is going to wake up from a dream. In contrast I felt nothing at all, I forget what its like to be that happy, the last time I felt like her I think I was about 19 and was driving my mustang in the desert. Wait, it might have been October of 2007 when I went to Vegas on BYU's tab, and California to do a photoshoot with Drew. Anyway, the thing is, there is no formula for that particular happiness. I can't whip up a cocktail of joy and drink it, I can't move somewhere and be a different person. I know for sure no matter where I am, I am myself. And I am certainly not Bee.