dog walking

As many of you know, I have been puppy hungry for a long time. I've never gotten too close to actually following though. The closest I have come was last week when I offered to babysit the neighbor's dog Zoe. Zoe is a tiny fluffy yuppie dog with a rhinestone halter and a bow in her hair. I didn't think much of it until I took her out for a walk. Lo and behold, there were lots of people out, and I did not feel cool in the slightest. I was actually embarrassed to be walking a dog wearing rhinestones. She was prancing all girly, and I am big and tall and wearing all black, it was like Mick Jagger walking a fluffy pink toddler. (not that I am like mick jagger, but you get the idea). I used to think I could get a small dog, since I'm in the city and all, but I can't. I want a big dog now, or at least one without a bow.

il weekend

There are way too many things to talk about. As usual, I'll just put it into list form.

1. Arthur left for Ireland and etc. Where does that leave me? Optimistic about New York, curious about new people, with closets full of nautical/glam themed gear, and a little lost.

2. Friday my cab driver hit a pedestrian. I ended up locked in the cab while a crowd gathered. The pedestrian dramatically layed on the hood for a while, looked around, and slinked down to the pavement. I think he threw himself at the cab, it was pretty funny/ bizarre. Eventually I escaped and caught another ride.

3. The Met is always wonderful, sometimes I feel a little naughty getting turned on by typefaces, charcoal, paper, lighting, and paint with a bunch of people around. Good art makes me so weak in the knees. It is, after all, the strongest aphrodisiac.

4. My sister Raime got her divorce papers back from Salt Lake. They say she has to wait another year to get married in the temple. It really rubs me the wrong way, because she and her fiancé have already waited a year, but I have to trust that it's the right thing for them.

5. I've been talking a lot to my sister Alex, she's going to BYU. She has had a few run ins with my Provo friends and I loooooove it. I finally feel like going back to visit. I don't know when I would have the chance, maybe I'll go for Sego or something.

6. The Sonics version of Have Love, Will Travel is so so good. I had it on a tape in high school. I totally forgot about it until I saw "Rock n' Rolla". Thanks for the reminder Guy.

another purging sesh

**TMI disclaimer**I have never experienced anything like what happened today. I found out that I am allowed to make mistakes. I've heard it a million times, and of course on the surface I agree that people are human and make mistakes, so I can too. However, I really thought that applied to everyone but me. Being a creative, all I have done since I was about 14 years old was "try to get it right". When I was 14 is when I started taking art very seriously, I started becoming critical of EVERYTHING. It's also when my thoughts of suicide increased. It was a casual thought, a casual jump off a cliff, a knife, a gun, a car wreck. It seemed fine, but the thoughts would get really intense though whenever I made a mistake. Making a mistake meant I was worthless, "I got it wrong", I seriously wanted to die every time. Insane right? I know that, I knew that, but I didn't know how to make those awful thoughts stop. Its been really bad the past 5 years, the expectations of perfection have been paralyzing, I've hardly produced any work because I "might get it wrong". Come to find out today, it's okay to make mistakes. It's a necessary, healthy part of the creative process. I need to get a little messy. And I have to make art (that was part of the last session, I never put it together that I am happier when I have a creative outlet, duh I know). I know this is probably really obvious to everyone, but it's not obvious to me. And finding out, and saying it out loud, caused a reaction in my head that can be described in no other way than a chris angel mind freak.

Robert Longo where have you been all my life?

I can't help it, I might 100% copy this guy. hopefully it will segue into something original and amazing, but for now at least it will force me to buy some charcoal.

cute

central park. need i say more?

this has happened twice now

I was in bed and my ipod came on inside my purse randomly. It played With a Girl Like You by the Troggs. Its a great song, a delight in fact - despite the ghostly nature of music coming on as I was falling asleep. In conclusion, I'm okay with my ipod being possessed as along as it chooses good songs.

my bed

taking care of business

I just had my first session with a therapist today over the phone. It was nothing like this picture. But that is a great picture isn't it?

hi mom:) this is what I do at work

working again

all you need is a window, some paper, and some fine sculptured jewelry to have a good saturday.

boys club

these are my mondays and wednesdays and sometimes saturdays

Hey!

Somebody wrote "I <3 Chaunte" on the inside tag of my black coat! I don't know who did it or how long its been there but I just found it! The coat is 2 years old, it could have been anyone. Holly? was it you??? Alissa? I'm dying to know.

i'm not obsessed, i'm just saying

Gemma Booth

it felt good at first

but I don't want to wear this ring anymore

phone call

Alissa: I'm gonna go you're not even listening anymore
me: I am listening i'm just really tired
Alissa: you might as well be listening out of your butt
me: yeah, I'm listening out of my butt-hole

okay okay, just one more thing

I'd also like to see more of this on the dancefloor

it's never too early for halloween

Okay, here's the plan. I'll do all the work if you just promise to be there and wear the costume.

I need one or more of the following:
a robot
a skeleton
a swimmer
a breakdancer
a mummy

We will go to the NYC parade, carry a boombox, and then go wherever the night takes us. Any volunteers?

i almost forgot

I've been trying to find this song online but I can't. It's the "Sunshine in My Soul" hymn, but it sounds like a 1950's toothpaste commercial. I heard it in South Carolina on the radio. Anyone know where I can find it?

3:08 am

my life is so weird sometimes. so so so weird. i know this is abstract but maybe i can put it this way. I'm not used to the way things feel in the late/early hours of the night. This weekend I have felt like it was 4 in the morning the whole time. it might have something to do with having no real plans, I didn't have errands to run, ate very little, watched madagascar 2....this is starting to sound like a very normal weekend. But I assure you it was weird. I really don't think I should ever stay up past 12.

if I were in provo

I would hope that this was happening at the dance parties

tyler is jessa's love

from a bum

I walked out of work today and there was a bum riding a bike. As he passed me he said, "Marry me will ya? just marry me!" I laughed and I thought, "At least someone wants me." Not in a sad way, just in a- "why isn't everybody as open as that?" I think its really ingrained in us these days to be cool, so much that people don't just openly like one another. I called Alissa and we talked about the moment that had just happened. We discussed that we wished that boys would just come up to us if they think we are cute, just come up and talk. It's no big deal. Guys don't do that though, they look, and then they look away. It's so annoying. Just be cool! Tell me if you are into me, be like the bum "Marry me!"

analytics

Whenever I check my google analytics I am excited by the traffic I get. Then I think to myself....what if most of the hits are from me? I think they are, I often check my blog for comments even if I'm not signed in. I'll check it up to 5 times in one day. I live for comments, I'm a sucker for comments, don't hold it against me.

central park saturday, pictures by alpha smoot

saturday night

It was never going to work anyway.

I have this problem with my hair

I am increasingly looking like Liam Gallagher these days

title???

old bear

i voted for matt wood

Little known fact: last year, I didnt vote for obama. I penciled in Matt Wood for President.

still fun, rowing boats in central park

still cool

2007-3.18.09

3.15.09/10.30.08

dragon

the men in my life are all scoundrels

and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

temperments

I have always led a pretty private life. Knowing this I said to my sister "I wonder what mom thinks of me, what she thinks I'm like." Raime said that she thinks I'm very sensitive. I said, "Well I am, its true." Then Raime said that they (the rest of the fam) are more like the Kardashians. I've never seen that show so I don't really know what it means.

my mom is getting a little famous in the airbrush world

I would like to send these pictures to a lover someday and say "this is the family you could be a part of, are you ready?" My mom is the coolest. She is in airbrush magazine this month, and is being flown all over the country to do demonstrations at makeup conventions. I love that this is such a big part of our family, its really the one thing I know of that has been a tradition for us my whole life. Making people look really really scary has always brought us together. I still remember the feeling of the cold air on my hand as a little girl when my mom would airbrush hearts on me. I know I talk about it a lot, but its so great!

i had to get out of bed to blog this

I used to be the Provo rollidex. I had nearly every friends phone number in Provo up until about 2 years ago, then Provo got too big to know everyone so I couldn't/didn't want to keep up. Tonight I was bored and decided to clear up some of the clutter in my phone and I was blown away by all the numbers I had from the old days. Now that I think of it, Chris Coy did an art piece for the LP show that Eva threw when I first moved to Provo. It was just everybody's phone numbers on a piece of white board. That piece was very indicative of who was hot at the time. I loved it. Anyway, tonight I erased numbers such as the pink house, pizza pipeline, melissa tripiani, chris allman's dad cell, chris allman's house line, cullen's house line, bishop howell, morgan handley, ellen, jefferson, andy martin, and casey lesuer Okay, maybe I still have the pizza pipeline number, it has a different name every 6 months, but the number is always the same. Does anybody know if it is still called something that has to do with a dragon?

one time

One time Arthur went to kiss me romantically late at night and I had my night guard in.

I'm trying really hard

I went out with the mormons. If you call me on the telephone I will tell you about it. I deserve an e for effort, but it will have to be at least 2 months before I try again. For now I'm sticking to 3 hours on Sundays.

last week in union square

you might have already heard this story from me, but I'll tell it again. I was in Union Square, walking and listening to music, when a pretty cool/maybe crazy/black guy was walking toward me. As we crossed paths he gave me a full body high energy double thumbs up! I don't know what it was for, but it was awesome. I was listening to Uffie at the moment so it could have been the hop in my step that he noticed, but that really made my day. I was grinning ear to ear for at least another block.

bedford ave

So I was walking home from church, and I was just in love with everyone around me. I wanted to hug people, say hi, and invite them over for pancakes. This is something I feel a lot of the time, but people on Bedford are so damn unapproachable. I guess all I can do is just try anyway, but man, I wish people would look up and smile once and a while around here. It would make approaching them a lot easier.

am i just really into older men?

I saw a guy last night probably in his late 30's, the blackest hair I have ever seen, and silver round frame glasses. Beaten brown leather shoes, olive skin with lots of lines, and about 6' 2". He was 0% hip, 100% hot. And he was drinking one of those little cardboard cartons of milk. Who drinks milk "to go" style on the subway? I thought it was so funny, and he had a very comfortable presence, like the L train was his living room. Anyway, I was helpless, when he got in the train he walked all the way from the end of it and stood right in front of me. I got to look at him from 1st avenue to Bedford. So my question is, how do you talk to someone you are completely enamored with? And 2, what do you do when they might be more than 10 years older than you?

februrary 2009

Let today be marked as the first time I have felt homesick since moving out of my house January 7 2004...or was it 03, I can't remember? People have often asked me if I miss home, I never really do but I wondered what it would feel like. Well, now I know.

March preview

I started listening to a 60 minute track of whale sounds and discovered its the best thing to listen to when I'm working. T.rex came on afterwards, which is great, but instead I put the whales on repeat.

I've been working on this for a while

feel free to check it out HERE

on his way to Ireland he asked me to hold on to his grandmother's diamond ring

I forgot about these goodies