Tuesday, May 26, 2009

to max and betty

I have been watching so much Buffy the Vampire Slayer that it's not even funny. I liked it when I was younger, but now? I'm obsessed.

1 year benchmark

I've been in New York for one year. I moved here on May 22 2008. It really feels like I've just blinked.

What have I gained? An apartment, great food, experimental experiences, heart palpitations, a few wrinkles, a few pounds, a therapist, a love for Matt Wood and Tyler Smart, easy access to cool culture, a dog once a week, and a Jen Koehl.

What have I lost? my long hair, a large group of awesome friends that live no more than 10 blocks away, free time (did I ever have that?), mountains, space, photography ambition, and alissa in her egg car outside my door at the snap of my fingers.

was it worth it?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

today was one of those days

Watching Angels and Demons last night was the starting point of the trouble. I didn't get home until 1:30, and I was so upset by it that I stayed up till 3. Then somehow I went the wrong way to church, to lunch, and to home today. It was so bad that I considered I was in the twilight zone. It was so bad that when I got home at 4 I took an angry nap for 4.5 hours, hoping when I woke up everything would be set straight. I'm not sure if it is but I'm glad today is over.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

please check my work. my memory is rusty

Alissa made a quiz about herself and said I should make one too. I was trying to think of questions, but everything I thought of had to do with hilarious moments in provo and nothing really to do with me. I think I will eventually post some of those thoughts, but this is the tangent that led me to realize, the years are blurring so much for me, I've got to sort them out somehow. So, I'm going to try and categorize the years by Halloweens since 2004.

2003: sci fi 60's girl with a lazergun. Las Vegas, awesome party at Todd's house. Andrew was my counterpart with hockey pads, no shirt, and ski pants. Kyle was a Jedi, and Cullen didn't dress up.

2004: sci fi 60's bodysuit costume with max. he was a bobsledder. that was also the year everybody came out to vegas for the weekend before halloween, arthur was jiggly puff. midwife crisis played at the provo art museum

2005: skeleton costume with arthur. but i actually ended up spending it with liz and stefan, arthur was rufio. there was a big party at the cabin

2006: i can't remember for the life of me what this was. i know i was dating (sort of) stefan, i lived in that mansion that i got kicked out of and moved into the clinic. was that the pirate year? pirate costume with holly. holly had tattoos. but that halloween i spent with chase. where was alissa? this all makes no sense to me. georgiana wore the skeleton costume from 2005 and stuffed it with pillows- amazing.

2007: matt wood was andy warhol, alissa was edie segwick, was I also andy warhol at one point? arthur was bill the butcher. was that really all i did besides goth prom? that can't be right.

2008: masquerade costumes with arthur. trip to philly. delicious morrocan food..

i don't think these are right. my stories are full of holes. help me out? does anyone remember?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

dog walking

As many of you know, I have been puppy hungry for a long time. I've never gotten too close to actually following though. The closest I have come was last week when I offered to babysit the neighbor's dog Zoe. Zoe is a tiny fluffy yuppie dog with a rhinestone halter and a bow in her hair. I didn't think much of it until I took her out for a walk. Lo and behold, there were lots of people out, and I did not feel cool in the slightest. I was actually embarrassed to be walking a dog wearing rhinestones. She was prancing all girly, and I am big and tall and wearing all black, it was like Mick Jagger walking a fluffy pink toddler. (not that I am like mick jagger, but you get the idea). I used to think I could get a small dog, since I'm in the city and all, but I can't. I want a big dog now, or at least one without a bow.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

il weekend

There are way too many things to talk about. As usual, I'll just put it into list form.

1. Arthur left for Ireland and etc. Where does that leave me? Optimistic about New York, curious about new people, with closets full of nautical/glam themed gear, and a little lost.

2. Friday my cab driver hit a pedestrian. I ended up locked in the cab while a crowd gathered. The pedestrian dramatically layed on the hood for a while, looked around, and slinked down to the pavement. I think he threw himself at the cab, it was pretty funny/ bizarre. Eventually I escaped and caught another ride.

3. The Met is always wonderful, sometimes I feel a little naughty getting turned on by typefaces, charcoal, paper, lighting, and paint with a bunch of people around. Good art makes me so weak in the knees. It is, after all, the strongest aphrodisiac.

4. My sister Raime got her divorce papers back from Salt Lake. They say she has to wait another year to get married in the temple. It really rubs me the wrong way, because she and her fiancé have already waited a year, but I have to trust that it's the right thing for them.

5. I've been talking a lot to my sister Alex, she's going to BYU. She has had a few run ins with my Provo friends and I loooooove it. I finally feel like going back to visit. I don't know when I would have the chance, maybe I'll go for Sego or something.

6. The Sonics version of Have Love, Will Travel is so so good. I had it on a tape in high school. I totally forgot about it until I saw "Rock n' Rolla". Thanks for the reminder Guy.

Monday, May 4, 2009

another purging sesh

**TMI disclaimer**I have never experienced anything like what happened today. I found out that I am allowed to make mistakes. I've heard it a million times, and of course on the surface I agree that people are human and make mistakes, so I can too. However, I really thought that applied to everyone but me. Being a creative, all I have done since I was about 14 years old was "try to get it right". When I was 14 is when I started taking art very seriously, I started becoming critical of EVERYTHING. It's also when my thoughts of suicide increased. It was a casual thought, a casual jump off a cliff, a knife, a gun, a car wreck. It seemed fine, but the thoughts would get really intense though whenever I made a mistake. Making a mistake meant I was worthless, "I got it wrong", I seriously wanted to die every time. Insane right? I know that, I knew that, but I didn't know how to make those awful thoughts stop. Its been really bad the past 5 years, the expectations of perfection have been paralyzing, I've hardly produced any work because I "might get it wrong". Come to find out today, it's okay to make mistakes. It's a necessary, healthy part of the creative process. I need to get a little messy. And I have to make art (that was part of the last session, I never put it together that I am happier when I have a creative outlet, duh I know). I know this is probably really obvious to everyone, but it's not obvious to me. And finding out, and saying it out loud, caused a reaction in my head that can be described in no other way than a chris angel mind freak.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Robert Longo where have you been all my life?

I can't help it, I might 100% copy this guy. hopefully it will segue into something original and amazing, but for now at least it will force me to buy some charcoal.