Thursday, December 31, 2009

alissa said it was time for a new post

and she is right. I'm starting to think maybe I will just write this for her. Like the letters of griffin and sabine, watch the conversation as it unfolds between two old friends. I was introduced to that book in high school and i always liked it, however, at the moment I can only recollect what it looks like and nothing of what was written. That is typical of me, i forget what was said or who said it, but I remember distinctly the look, smell, and feeling of the communication. Maybe this is why I come off as scatterbrained. Which I am, and I'm totally okay with it. Mo, calls me a Phoebe.
Tonight was New Years Eve, nothing will ever top the New Years Eve I had in Provo when Gifford let everyone come to the Motel 8 to swim and dance, I like Gifford so much for helping to make that memory. I feel like a lot of people now are too lazy to make memories, they expect it to just happen, but the thing with memories is that often they take a bit of effort, and a bit of magic. Tonight was a let down, not because of how I spent my midnight, but because no one had a sense of adventure. I had it, but I need partners in action to really make it happen. Oh well though, at least I was with friends.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

It was time to get a coat

I got ready to meet up with Zack for dinner. I really didn't want to wear pants but it was a blizzard outside so I settled with wool leggings and sweatpants over them. I proceeded to layer with soft sweatshirts that you only wear in your house, and eventually covered up with my thin fall wool coat. I decided walking to bedford would be alright and I headed off. By the time I got there I was completely soaked, and I arrived looking like a madwoman. We met in Brooklyn Industries as my glasses fogged and the whole store turned to look at me in my pajamas and soaked coat. I really didn't care, I thought "this is my neighborhood". I grabbed a coat from the rack and bought it. The cashier said, "I think this will help you tonight." I finally gave in after 5 snowy years of saying I'll get one later, I have a real winter coat.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


mo said that no one at work is dating because this place is transitional, everyone is looking on to the next big thing. people don't date when they are in transition. I thought, "but I'm always in a state of transition."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

fears fears fears

I'm afraid of not doing things right, so when good opportunities present themselves, I just get really depressed because I might fail. If I fail then I feel worthless. I have to remember that value is not performance based, I can be valuable without doing things "right". I feel like people have a lot more faith in my abilities than they should. I think its because I'm tall, they think I know what I'm doing when I totally don't have any idea what the heck I am doing. ever. In other news, I'm singing in the choir Christmas program on Sunday and I'm pretty happy about it. I haven't done that in over 10 years, and its something I enjoy.

conversations at the McGorlick church

"I don't really know how to make music, but I played in a band in college"
"well just think of a name for our band, crazy rope, or still life with jack hammer"
"uh huh"
"I need a compressor called a distress-er"
"my therapist encouraged me to make actions to become closer to my sisters"
"its okay to cry"
"okay we can be crazy rope"

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I felt loved when they noticed

1. Chris Allman asked if I was slightly crosseyed
2. Laura Eastin knew I was upset.
3. My mom said it was a lot to handle at once
4. Tim asked if there was pain in my face
5. The dentist asked if I was sensitive to spice
6. Alissa remembered that I don't like mustard

Saturday, November 28, 2009

thanksgiving in new jersey

The food was traditional and comforting. Traditional because it was the same food my mom makes, comforting for the same reason. I went 40 minutes north of Manhattan with Andrew to spend the holiday, eating, watching Home Alone, Planet Earth, and sitting in a cozy loveseat surrounded by houseplants, cherrywood, and books. The house looked like the one from The Royal Tenanbaums, but 30% less surreal. I kept blinking, wondering how I ended up sitting at a table with a jovial Evangelical minister, his inviting wife, and their son. I was watching myself in a movie, from a sphere of mormons and track homes.

xoxo chris habana

I'm so excited to shoot this collection. Here are a few un/edits I like.


I should not listen to Muddy Waters with a boy in my bed. ever.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

vignette 6 (I love New York)

She rushed in a cab to make it in time to the reading in Ft. Greene. Up a winding whitewashed staircase and onto the polished wood floor she stepped quietly as not to interrupt the reader, who was just finishing her first person story. She was late, but noticed her friend and they sat together in the front row at the pause between readers. The short essays were good, the last 2 were the best and the most risque. She listened in support as her friend read aloud, when midway through the story a man sat next to her. He was late as well. She glanced over and recognized the disheveled salt and pepper hair and glasses. It was Ira Glass. The story ended, the hostess thanked everyone, and then it was out for drinks. The group comprised of about 7 people, all writers, all the kind of people that take delight in noticing funny details. The conversation topics ranged from fraternity boys, to nose bleeds. At one point Ira held her arm and said that she looked like someone he knew in Chicago that was pure evil. The girls asked if she wanted to skateboard on Saturday. One man had the perfect feathery pompadour and ate in a clockwise pattern. Mrs. Glass had noteworthy eyebrows, black frame glasses, and a huge smile. She talked about loving to teach teenagers and going back to grad school. At 11pm they all said goodnight outside the German bar on Fulton. The cars kept driving, the trains kept running, the rain kept falling.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

maybe it was not the best idea, but i had to try it anyway

I woke up at 4:15am this morning to watch a beach sunrise with 5 of my favorite people. Totally worth it.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Yes, sometimes I still think about what those kids that are a little older than me, who were so cool when I was in high school. Matt Gubler, Jen Ianni, Rhonda Turnbough, Ronnie Vannucci. I still think Rhonda is the prettiest girl ever. I hardly know any of them, they were untouchable cool, nice, and talented. I still have not seen their match since. But it is easy to idealize someone when you are 16 years old. I wonder if Las Vegas will ever be considered a Manchester, the way that its desolate yet goodness comes out of it.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Sometimes living in new york is like being in a medieval village. You can hear people out of your window, peek out of your window, and know just about everything that is going on. All that is missing are the potato sack clothes, missing teeth, and "Hark" being yelled out. (p.s. this comment is inspired by a very embarrassing happening over the weekend.)

jen is my boss and my friend

here is a proper look at my halloween costume

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009


I went out with Chris and Keith tonight, Bee joined us. Bee is 19 and in love with life, in love with fred flare, in love with retail, with blogs, and New York. I listened to her as she beamed a bright smile and told me she keeps thinking she is going to wake up from a dream. In contrast I felt nothing at all, I forget what its like to be that happy, the last time I felt like her I think I was about 19 and was driving my mustang in the desert. Wait, it might have been October of 2007 when I went to Vegas on BYU's tab, and California to do a photoshoot with Drew. Anyway, the thing is, there is no formula for that particular happiness. I can't whip up a cocktail of joy and drink it, I can't move somewhere and be a different person. I know for sure no matter where I am, I am myself. And I am certainly not Bee.


I don't know how many of you frequent the site ffffound, but it is one of my favorites. As it turns out, one of my images was on it last month! wowowowowowow.
Look at it HERE.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Saturday, October 17, 2009

the most random

I have no idea how this happened, but in the mail yesterday, I received a typewriter typed, hand signed, letter and book of art from my design crush. The envelope was colored on, had funny stickers, and he did not forget the accent on the e at the end of my name. I kept thinking it had to be some mistake. I have only ever emailed him about work related matters. I still think it has to be a mistake. Maybe I will have to take the train to his Brooklyn studio and say "Mike Perry, what is this all about? did you mean to send this to Keith? if so, you spelled his name wrong and it really confused me."

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Alright, I haven't read the profile for an aquarius since I started using the internet. Last time I read it I think I was in a Borders book store, or a library. Andrew (he lives next door) said he was bored at work and read about the Leo sign (which he is) and it surprised him how accurate it was. So, bored at 11 at night, I read mine. Its completely right, although I overcame my need to collect things when I was about 18 and decided not to do that. And also, I'm not obsessed with gadgets. I am however, interested in outer space, the future, emotionally detached, love conspiracy, love good intellectual exercise through conversation, adventure seeking, open minded and accepting, yet stubborn in my ideas, surround myself with eccentrics, afraid of boredom, scatterbrained, tactless (I'm working on that), and act as a stabilizing force for others. In short, the shipping manager at my work says I'm a Phoebe.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dr. Bruce Champagne

I liked his name, and he came recommended, so I went to the doctor today. I got an EKG to check my heart. It has been pounding out of my chest randomly for the past few months. Looks like I'm healthy though. I just have to check my heart rate when I have an episode, and get more sleep. But if it keeps up, I will either go to a cardiologist, or ask him to just get me some Xanax. My vote is for the latter.

the coolest

It might be premature for me to announce this, but I just can't hold it in. My dad is planning on entering the Senior Olympics in St. George next year. He's not in it just to enter either "he's going to win." He's doing the 50yd dash, 100yd dash, and maybe tennis too. He might not be able to enter the tennis match though, because he is semi professional. I actually would love it if he entered in boxing, is that an Olympic sport? My dad is the coolest!


Cousins I never knew I had from Georgia and other southern states are finding me on facebook. They can't really spell, wear cowboy hats, fleece pullovers, and use neon sparkle clipart frames in their pictures, but that is my favorite part of it. It makes me feel a little like Margot Tenenbaum. I'm hoping more stories and old family photos come out of this new phenomenon.

Monday, October 12, 2009

so if

So if every person I know that has left New York (only 3 people), now say they are living the best life ever, then why would I stay? Because no one here is saying they are living the best life ever and I'm definitely not. Oh yeah, I'm here because the economy sucks and I am really lucky to have a job at all.

Bardhi made the fajitas

And I invited the neighbor boy over for dinner. I also panicked because I should have vacuumed first. Bardhi had us sit at the table and eat chips and salsa while he cooked. Then he brought the food out to us, and washed all the dishes. I wish there was some sort of visa you could get for being awesome.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

vignette 5

A guy and a girl in an old empty catholic church, stained glass, pigeons, benches, ornate molding, rickety stairs. Then there's the balcony, a secret balcony. She plays the drums, he plays the guitar, she plays the piano while he tries to make his guitar sound like a spaceship synth. The conversation lasts 2 hours, he makes fun of the faces she makes, he gets excited about equipment that she doesn't understand. He admits to being a romantic. She tries to explain why she's afraid of aliens and not ghosts. Knobs and cords and pedals are strewn everywhere, an accordion lays in the corner with a broken key. The sun goes down and 2 small lights come on. They walk home to their separate apartments and call it a night.

apple picking upstate

I accidentally took the train to heaven and I forgot my camera.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

October 2nd

And so begins my winter disappearing act. Its cold and I'm overworked, and only the second part will change when Christmas is over. See you in 3 months!

B's Bikes

So I went to get my bike checked, since my friends and I put it together and none of us are qualified bike kids. Anyway, the friendliest guy checked it for me, he is from Ohio. I think I have a thing for Ohio people. Jen being number one. He said he would allow me to pay in cookies or soda, and that my bike is well put together. The only thing is that my bike brakes are set up english style, rodo I think he said? I don't know, all I know is that I have to bake cookies this weekend, and watch conference!

utah trip list

1. alissa my skinner i loooooove. food network is therapy, I hope I can let go of control, I need to read that book you mentioned.
2. nate housley, how did we become such good friends? sorry i didn't get any pictures with you. Sorry I made you wait on the corner for so long. Remember when you visited new york and stayed at my house? and we spent valentines day together?
3. erin flynn my giiiirl, lets go to mexico on vacation. I'm serious about it. It was so good to see you.
4. provo, the personalities are all there, but they are in different and younger bodies. I also decided it is harder being lonely there, because you get the sense of being rejected. In other places, being lonely is manageable because you are not confronted with 3,000 kids with your same interests and beliefs that view you as dispensable. In other places you understand why you are lonely. It's because no one is there, or you are surrounded by people that you wouldn't relate to anyway.
5. (car ride to the airport) Davey, you answered all my questions. I love you so much and can we please have more confessional conversations?
6. Salt Lake, I love it, but I think I've become addicted to the pace of New York. Despite all it has to offer, the trees, the food, the huge affordable housing, the boys, and the possibility of leisure time; I think I am in New York for the long haul.
7. (conversations from a bike ride) Leland, we had such aspirations of spending time together. Now you are dating someone. Bummer. And yes, maybe I live in New York so I don't have to date. Maybe I work so much because I'm afraid of dating. The truth is, I'm just tired, and burned. Not in the normal way from being 26 years old and mormon, in ways that I think I am allowed to take as long as I need. Also, I'm not really interested in dating right now in my life, I have so many other things I need to get done!
8. Liz Preston, I want to take you with me in my pocket everywhere I go.
9. (lunch at pizzeria 712) Mark and Julie, the best job I ever had was working with you guys. Please come visit. I'm sad you both had a rough year, these are the days days days of our lives.
10. Alex girl, you best be getting some sleep these days, you are a night owl! I like when we went to visit justin and hiro together.
11. The best thing was walking into my friends houses and seeing my paintings hanging there. It made me feel so loved. Becky, Alissa, Davey. It was such a pleasant surprise I'll never forget. In addition I love seeing so many friends use my images as their profile pics. Its like seeing someone wear the sweater you bought them.
12. Twelve...lets make this an even number. uhhhh ummm. Slimmy? yep Slimmy

Saturday, September 19, 2009

bike! bike? bike!

Do you see this little tear? its for the best bike in the whole world. my little white mercier fixie came and I love her more than I thought I would. I also just came from a party where a boy made me feel like a million bucks. It's been a really great weekend so far.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Avant launch party.

It was just right. The right people, the right amount (so many that people couldn't get in), and the right time (just as fashion week is starting). check out the september issue HERE

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

one track mind

I've been laying in bed at night for the past week with anxiety over halloween. will i go to salem? will i stay in new york? who will i spend it with? will i be a famous work of art, a concept, a zombie, or- my latest idea- the mayflower?

Monday, September 7, 2009

philip johnson's glass house

You know how I like lists, so I'll give you a few bullet points.
1. It was like walking into The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Which was quite nice considering that is one of my favorite books.
2. I felt my heart leap when I saw Frank Stella's Raft of the Medusa. The Raft of the Medusa by Theodore Gericault is one of my favorite works of art, I was able to see it in the Louvre in Paris about 8 years ago. I was so excited to see this homage to it in real life as well. The impression I had upon seeing it was similar to seeing the original. The grandeur, the anger, the attention to detail, and the emotional effects were all there.
3. The Glass House seemed like an architects playground. There isn't just one house on the premise, there are about 7 dwellings, each with a different function. (FUN right?) 4. Philip Johnson's creative freedom and genius came out of affluence. I don't feel like that really exists anymore. However, if one of us was a genius and a millionaire, it would be as if summer never ended. We would be brave to try new things, we would make many more memories with the Andy Warhols of today, and hopefully we would make history.