This is going to be a long entry, so I understand if you don't get through it all.
As I was getting ready, putting on makeup, my black velvet dress, and high heels, my stomach was not exactly agreeing with me. I decided to ignore it, and continued about my evening. We got to the bar, and the festivities were beginning. First challenge- the space we reserved was double booked, and we were forced into a very open area for the party. Second challenge- the nausea was really starting to get strong. I greeted people as they came and afterward would hustle to the bathroom just in case I was going to puke. I did this for about an hour, then Tyler came, and in his grace decided to start saying disgusting things to me because he knew it would turn my stomach. Congratulations Tyler, you did it- without a drink in me, I ran to the black and white tiled bathroom. There in my high heels and velvet dress puked into the porcelain bowl before me. I apologize to the girl in the stall next to me, it was truly disgusting. However! I felt so much better! I went back out to get some water and suddenly my party had grown by double and people were hugging me and helloing me, but the only thing I was thinking was "do i have puke on my breath?" I wasn't able to eat any birthday cake, but I definitely had a good time after that.
I got home at about 2am, by 4 I was back in the bathroom puking, but at least I was home. I slept until 6pm the next day, at which point I was getting severe pain in my stomach back and kidneys. I thought it was just dehydration, I tried to drink, but I couldn't. Eventually, at about 11pm, I decided to call someone in my ward for a blessing, because I didn't want to go to the ER. Scott Brasher came, and the missionaries. I have not had a blessing in about 4 years or more. Its really hard for me to ask for one, but I figured now was a time for it. With that, and some lemon water, I was able to get through the night.
I woke up on Monday at 12, it was my real birthday day, and I had a date in 5 hours. I was going to beat this thing because no way was I staying home on my birthday in a battle with a kidney infection. Hell no. So, after drinking 3 glasses of lemon juice, and watching 2 star wars movies, I was ready to face Manhattan and a first date.
The thing about first dates, is sometimes you don't even know if it is a date, and the only way to really know is if he pays for stuff. In this case, although it was planned, and paired off, it was not paid for. So I guess it was a "first hang out". The ambiguity of this activity, and the fact that it was my birthday, and the whole "being so weak I could hardly go up and down the subway stairs" made a formula for a weird night. In addition, the guy I was going with, is also someone a friend of mine has a crush on. So I also felt a little sneaky and unsure as to whether I should tell this friend -"I'm pseudo hanging out with, going on a birthday date with, but not paid for activity with this guy you kind of have a crush on but are not dating. Is that okay?" or if I should just let it be. So I decided not to say anything, because that would make it less of a big deal.
So we were waiting in line to get into a show called the MOTH. At the moment, we were actually talking about this girl and how we know her, when out of the blue here she comes saying, "oh great! I was hoping I would know someone in line!" I'm immediately stunned, speechless, guilty, and delighted at the perfect awkwardness of the situation. Of course she shows up in my moment of the crime against friendship. Because I can't get away with anything, even if it only alludes to the hint of a crime because its not actually a date its a pseudo first hang out unpaid for activity with 2 people who are just getting to know eachother. I felt so uneasy, but tried to participate in a conversation that is a blur to me now. We all sat down at a table, and my non-date got up for a minute, she and I were alone
"Am I crashing your date?"
"No no no, its not a date, I'm paying for stuff. He just asked me to this."
"It's probably a date, I don't have to sit with you."
"No its fine, I was not sure if I should mention it to you because I didn't know what it was and he asked me."
"Did I tell you that I told him that I like him?"
"No, I'm sorry."
"I'm on a date too."
"This is so awkward."
"He's coming back."
Finally the entertainment started and I was able to focus on something else. The night wore on and the pseudo non double date that had developed out of coincidence became less of an issue. We all went to eat at The Hummus Place with another 6 or so people, and sat at opposite ends of the table from eachother. I was finished conversing, not eating for 48+ hours was finally catching up, and I headed home. I think the best part of the evening was walking to the L train. The night was warm and it has just rained. There was a little bit of a breeze and Union Square was the most empty I had ever seen it. Steven and I talked about storytelling, different versions of reality, and therapy. He waited with me at the L even though he had to take the green line uptown.
I don't know what all of it means for 27, but this has been its very bizarre start.