Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm nervous for monday, I'm nervous for the future

All I know is that right now my life is not what I want it to be. I keep paying my dues thinking that it will end in something better. But what is that really? More work in retail? More work trying to sell something? A bigger paycheck? For what? I never really planned anything for myself, I just did whatever came to me. That is how I got the job at fredflare. I'm grateful for it, I'm so lucky and it is a great opportunity, its just not a job that points me in the direction I want to be headed. I thought it would be a good way to put me in New York comfortably so I could make necessary connections to do something greater. However with 50 hour workweeks, modest pay, and an "in front of the computer always" commitment, those connections have been hard to make. I've been reading online about jobs that interest me, something in academia, archiving, library science, teaching, art therapy, exhibitions; all of which require more education. I didn't want to go to grad school without a purpose, I didn't want to postpone my entering the professional world. But, the jobs I want, and the people I want to be surrounded by, are not found in a consumer field. I can't keep doing something I don't care about, I just don't know the steps I need to make to get out of it. I need a counselor, a mentor, or a map.

1 comment:

Version #2 said...

As I mentioned on the phone - you are the queen of putting a plan into action. All you do now is make a plan. Research. Research is the place to start - start looking up schools that are known for these programs. Then start looking up grants and scholarships that revolve around these areas. If you can't get grants or scholarships then you can get loans - everyone does it for grad school and you have good credit. You can do it! And I think you're for the first time asking yourself what you want because for the first time you're allowing it to matter - you're allowing yourself to seek happiness. That's great <3